free hosting   image hosting   hosting reseller   online album   e-shop   famous people

Title: Words with the Wizard

Author: Uluithiel

Date completed: 21 September 2002

Pairing: EW/??

Summary: Elijah has dinner with an old friend

Disclaimer: I'm sure they've had dinner together, but they sure never had a conversation like this. The last paragraph, however, is true.

Los Angeles

March 2002

Elijah spotted him as soon as he walked into the restaurant and noted with gratitude the dark corner table. As he strode across the floor, the tall handsome man rose and opened his arms. Elijah walked into his embrace and returned it fiercely. "Ian!" he breathed. "FUCK it's good to see you."

Drinks, appetizers, entrees came and went as Elijah and Ian discussed the Oscars ceremony they would be attending together the next night. Lij was brilliantly excited -- he would be sitting with Ian and Nick on the main floor, with all the nominees. The other three hobbits, not to mention the elf, were relegated by inadequate seating to watching the event from monitors outside. He felt rotten for them, but it couldn't mar his excitement. Participating in the Oscars WITH the nominees would be a novelty, a cool new way to experience this oh-so-Hollywood but undeniably thrilling ritual.

Ian listened, watching Elijah's animated face.

Sir Ian McKellen had had his doubts about the casting of Elijah Wood for Frodo. "Too beautiful," was his original judgment. That judgment hadn't changed. Elijah WAS too beautiful. Tonight his cheeks were flushed, his unearthly eyes snapping with excitement; his beauty lit up the room.

Ian could understand how people could make the mistake of underestimating Elijah. His diminutive size, the quicksilver emotions, the bounce, the giggle -- if one looked only at this admittedly brilliant surface it would be easy to underestimate the man. The MAN, thought Ian. I hear people refer to him as a boy and I can only wonder at their blindness. This man has a depth and a maturity and a serenity that men in their forties could envy.

Ian knew Elijah well. Something was amiss tonight, something missing. He watched Elijah closely, curious and a little concerned.

Lijah, with his customary intuition, perceived the older man's sharpened attention and plunged before he could be asked.

"And did you hear about Sean?" he asked brightly. "He and Christine are expecting a new baby!"

Elijah knew his eyes were clear, his expression that of a happy friend. He had rehearsed this line carefully.

"Oh, Elijah!" gasped Sir Ian, an involuntary exclamation of sympathy.

At the compassion in his voice, Lijah's bright words were cut off as by a garotte. At length he sighed deeply and asked, "Ian, have you ever been in love with a man who's not gay?"

"Yes, Elijah," Ian replied gently. He looked reminiscent, then his eyes twinkled. "In fact, I had a raging crush on Derek Jacoby back in drama school."

"Derek Jacoby!" Elijah grinned. "Jesus, can't fault your taste! C'mon, Ian, tell. Any luck?" The eyebrows were mischievous.

Ian returned the grin. "Some of the most spectacular failures of my life have been in the exercise of trying to bring men out," he said wryly.

Lij shook his head ruefully. "Poor Sean," he said. "He's not gay. He just had the fucked-up luck to fall in love with a man." The bottomless blue eyes looked at the older man. "He's never promised me anything. We were only . . . together the once. I have no right to be upset about this baby. But," he grimaced, "I am. It bothers the fuck out of me.

"See, for a little while there I had hoped . . . but this baby tells me that Sean really has made his decision, for good and all."

Ian's eyes were very gentle. "And Dominic?"

Elijah bit his lip. "He's in love with me," he said, "and. . . I love Dom, god I love him to death, but I'm still so fucking connected to Sean that I can't. . ." he shook his head in exasperation. "How did this happen? FUCK, Ian! How long do I sit and wait for Sean? Do I sacrifice my fucking life to a man I can't have? How long do I let myself live without love, just because I can't have the love I most want?"

McKellan's fine eyes were suddenly keen. "A good question. How long do we deprive ourselves because we can't have perfection?"

"Do you know, Elijah," he continued thoughtfully, "I am heralded as a hero for coming out publicly. But -- and I never realized this until just now -- I have told the world I am gay but I have NEVER told the world I am in love. What does that say about my priorities?" He smiled suddenly and squeezed both Elijah's hands. "I'm sorry, Elijah," he said. "I'm afraid your wizard hasn't much magic to help you with. But... YOU have just helped ME a great deal. Thank you."

The next night, as the cameras of the world panned across the Oscars audience, Sir Ian McKellen reached out and very deliberately took Nick Cuthell's hand in his. His eye caught Elijah's, and he smiled.

Far too human to let go

I fight the river and the flow

I fight the love and the fear

. . . .

Now I know

that every dream begins with you

and ends in time

Now I know

that maybe I am too alive.

One Dream

October Project

~TBC~