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Title: Something More

Author: Uluithiel

Date completed: 20 September 2002

Pairing: EW/??

Summary: Sean is trying to stay married. Elijah is trying to stay sane.

Disclaimer: I truly must be out of my mind to even think things like this are going on. They most certainly are NOT happening in real life.

Los Angeles

late February 2002

Elijah's breath caught as Sean's lips curved in a slow smile. The smiling lips came closer, closer. . . pressed against his throat. . . Elijah moaned and arched his neck to offer those lips more . . .

A noise outside and Elijah jerked awake with a start, trembling.

"Fuck!" he leapt off the couch and grabbed a package of Bidis, lit one savagely, then threw it down as he leaned his head against the wall, tears welling in his eyes.

This was the fourth dream in a week and he knew he was going to lose his mind.

The past year had been a crazyquilt of wonderful times and aching loneliness. He saw Sean, visited his house, played with Alexandra, laughed with Christine. He and Sean played computer games, went to movies, talked and hugged and were best friends. 'Closer than brothers', thought Elijah with a sigh.

Sean kissed him often. On the cheek. On the forehead. Never near the mouth.

He and Sean had never talked about that one night they had spent together. Had never discussed what had happened, what was happening, what might happen. They didn't need to. They knew each other through and through, inside and out -- words weren't necessary. Elijah had made it plain that he was Sean's for the asking. And Sean had made it plain that he would never ask.

It had all been so much easier in New Zealand! There he didn't have to be Elijah. There he could be Frodo, and Frodo loved Sam.

And lost him. To wife and family.

Elijah understood completely why Frodo left for the Grey Havens. He longed for such a haven himself.

Instead he was in LA.

Somehow Sean was so much realer here in LA than in New Zealand. A real person, not a character, not a co-star. A person. A man. A man that Elijah had loved from the instant he laid eyes on him.

Sometimes he wished that Sean didn't love him. Sean's pain was even harder to bear than his own. But then the thought of Sean not loving him would make his breath stop.

FUCK! there was no way out. Nothing to be done. Except hurt.

"Cunting SHIT!" Lijah stormed around the living room of his coachhouse, kicking at piles of clothing, remnants of snacks, and other detritus. An action figure tripped him and he crashed to the floor, cursing obscenely.

The din brought Dominic out of the other room, blinking. He saw Lijah's tear-stained face and didn't ask questions, just drew him into a hug. Elijah clung to him, sobbing.

"Goddamit, Dom! How long does it take to stop hurting so fucking much?" he choked. "All I want is to be able to draw a breath, to be able to fucking SLEEP without waking up screaming!"

"Another dream, huh?" Dom smoothed Elijah's unsmoothable hair.

Lij's head nodded against Dom's shoulder.

Dominic held the sobbing Elijah, rocking him, until the sobs died to hiccups.

"Lij, you've been a mess for weeks now. What the FUCK is going on between you and Astin?"

"Oh gee, you ask easy questions," said Elijah sarcastically. "I'm the LAST person who knows what the FUCK is going on between me and Sean. Same as always. I love him. He loves me. I want him. He wants me. And that's as far as it ever goes."

Elijah sat up, scrubbing at his eyes with the tail of his grubby T-shirt. "Remember the Hannibal premiere?" he asked. At Dom's nod he went on. "I almost died when I saw him there. . ."

"Hey, Doodle!" Sean's voice rang out across the pavement and Lij leapt toward him. They met in a hug, close and warm and loving and platonic. Sean's face glowed with happiness at seeing him, and Lij felt its warmth flow over him. Sean's arms came around him, hugging him affectionately. Elijah looked down to grasp his hands and his heart stopped.

Sean was not wearing his wedding band.

The paparazzi closed in, feasting on shots of hobbits hugging before watching cannibals killing. Sean was more open than usual, laughing as his head dropped to Elijah's shoulder, Wrapping his arms around Lij from behind, hands warm on his chest. Elijah felt those hands burn through his sweater to his skin.

When Elijah looked at the pictures from that night he thought he looked absolutely stunned and wondered why no one else seemed to notice it. He had no fucking idea whatsoever what to think of Sean's bare left hand. In New Zealand Sean had forgotten to put his ring back on after work a couple of times, but never here in LA. What the FUCK did this mean? A mistake? In for cleaning? Something else????

After the flick they had a late dinner. The gore they had seen, the time that had passed, gave Elijah the chance to gather his scattered wits, and he was able to laugh with Sean about the recent interviews they had done, to bask in the warm glow that was being with Sean.

Sean did not mention the ring. Elijah did not ask. The next time he saw Sean, the ring was there, shining around his finger.

That was two weeks ago.

Last night Sean had called.

"She's pregnant, Dom," Elijah said. "Christine's pregnant." His voice was flat and dull, but as Dom watched the face twisted and the tears welled and spilled again.

"Oh my GOD, Dom! Listen, I have no right, no fucking right in the whole fucking world to resent or be . . ." Elijah choked ". . . jealous. I have NO claim on him. He's never made any promise to me, he's never . . . oh my GOD jesus FUCK Dominic!" And Elijah collapsed, sobbing.

Dominic held the slender body, feeling it wracked by the sobs that tore up from the bottom of Elijah's soul. He cuddled Lij close, and his head bent over him.

Elijah didn't even feel Dom's lips in his hair, but when they moved to his throat he shivered. Dominic's lips were warm and soft and very practiced. Without thinking, Lij arched his neck, inviting more. Dom's lips trailed up his throat to his mouth, and captured it with a thoroughness that took Elijah's breath away.

"Sblomie!" he gasped. The hobbits kissed all the time: on the forehead, the cheek, the top of the head. Not like this. Not like this at all. This was NOT a hobbit kiss.

Dominic drew his head back to look down into Elijah's flushed, tear-stained face. His eyes were almost black, and he looked furious. "I'm going to make you fucking FORGET him, Elijah. I'm going to take you the fuck away from that bastard who's too fucking stupid to see what he's throwing away."

Dom's mouth descended on Elijah's again, his tongue stroking Elijah's lips apart and plundering his mouth, wanting, insisting . . .

Elijah felt his lacerated heart throbbing, each heartbeat sending the blood of pain and loneliness to swell his aching cock.

With a sob, his arms went around this man who was HERE, who WANTED him, who was willing to give him the love he craved so desperately. His fingers buried themselves in Dominic's hair, bringing his mouth closer, and Elijah's tongue met his, tasting, claiming.

Dominic's hand found the fly of his jeans, unfastened them, and eased his rigid cock out, his thumb making circles in the fluid leaking from the tip. Elijah moaned and buried his lips in Dom's neck.

until...

Dom's hand on his cock, his hand on Dom's. . . mouths hungry, wanting, needing...

With a hoarse cry Lij pulled away. He stared at his friend, his eyes midnight, tears streaming. "Dom," he choked. "Dom, ogod I'm so sorry. I... oh fuck I can't do this. Dom, I'm so sorry..."

Dom froze, then slowly pulled away to sit in the corner of the couch. His head dropped into his hands and his shoulders shook.

"Dom, oh my god Dom," cried Lij brokenly. "God, will you ever forgive me? Dom I'm so sorry. I can't. I want to. I want to forget him so much I want to die. I can't. I ... I can't do this... Dom?"

His stretched out his arm to rest a hand on Dominic's shoulder, and Dom flinched as if he had been struck. He wrenched himself away from the hand and stood in the center of the room, eyes blazing at Lijah. "He doesn't want you! He doesn't need you! He doesn't fucking DESERVE you!" he yelled, and ran blindly out the door, slamming it behind him.

"DOM!", screamed Elijah, running to the door. Dominic was already gone, and he heard the car start up with a roar and a squeal.

Elijah curled up in the corner of the sofa and cried.

Whatever you fear

Whatever you hide

Whatever you carry deep inside

There's something more than this

Whatever you love

Whatever you give

Whatever you think you need to live

There's something more than this

Something More than This

October Project

~TBC~